Monday, February 21, 2005

It Was Never Meant To Be Like This

When I started this blog, things were so very different. It was just a way for me to get some thoughts out, release a little pent up creativity, and perhaps kill some time every couple of days. I'm pretty sure that my girlfriend was the only person reading it back then, and I was okay with that.

Then I discovered comments.

It was such a rush when I first read a comment on my blog from someone I didn't know. Someone, somewhere had found my little page with it's plain "pea soup" template and actually took the time to say something about it! It made me want to write more, to put words out there for people and have them tell me how clever, witty, or insightful I was... Sad, I know, but true. The lure of recognition was strong.

And so I began to look for things that I thought people would want me to write about, instead of things that mattered to me. I became obsessed with finding humor in even the most insignificant occurrences, usually to no avail. But, I kept looking and hoping that the "next great blog post" was just around they corner.

My writing became rushed and sloppy. I'd have one teeny, tiny idea in mind and try to write this grand, eloquent post, but I'd run out of steam halfway through and it would just fall flat. But I wouldn't delete it... Oh no! It would go out there for everyone to see and (hopefully... Oh please, oh please, oh please!) comment on.

The craving was growing.

Enter BlogExplosion and BlogClicker. These evil beasts changed everything... Suddenly, there were hundreds of people reading my blog and the comments were pouring in! Of course, it isn't because the writing or content had improved any... It was simply the law of averages at work. But who cares? I was getting comments! My spare time began to consist of checking my comments, checking my web stats, clicking the fish image, elephant image, number 43, and commenting on blogs that I thought would get me reciprocal hits.

Pathetic.

I knew I had hit rock bottom when I began to feel guilty that I hadn't posted in a few days... Oh no! What will my adoring fans think? How can they get through a day without my wit to make things a little brighter? How can I let them down like this? I had to write something! So, I scrambled around and found yet another half-decent picture from my summer vacation and posted an infamous "Picture of the Week", also known as "Cop Out of the Week"...

Then I actually began to check for comments on my picture... My picture! Can you believe it?!? It's truly sad, is what it is. It reminds my of High School and the need to either "fit in" or "stand out"... Everyone trying so hard to be something they're not. Do I really need to do this all over again? Is the small amount of "recognition" (and, yes, I really meant to use those quotes) worth sarcrificing my pride? Should I continue to follow this developing "Blog Trend" along with the thousands of others who are also just going through the motions?

Ultimately, no.

So, I've decided that it's time to lose the illusion that I'm some great writer of the 21st Century with a gift to share with the world. I'm going back to writing about the things that mean something to me and, no offense, the rest of you and your comments be damned.

They really need to bring back hockey now...
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