Monday, August 22, 2005

Brangelina Fever

Oooo! Get ready to wet yourself with uncontainable excitement... Brad and Angelina have officially arrived in Calgary!

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!

It's true, folks... Hollywood's most talked about couple is here, getting ready to shoot Pitt's latest movie, "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford". Well, only Brad is here for the movie... Angelina's motives for coming along are, as yet, unstated, but I'm sure you can jump to the same conclusions everyone else has.

To be honest with you, I can't really see what the big deal is. Calgary already has a well-established relationship with Tinseltown, and we've definitely seen our fair share of celebrities over the years. My recollection goes as far back as Stephen J. Cannell's "Stingray" and the lack-luster "Superman 3" in the mid 80's, but there have been many more in the years since: "The Edge" (with Alec Baldwin and Anthony Hopkins), "Unforgiven" (with Clint Eastwood), and "Legends of the Fall" (starring none other than Brad Pitt himself) to name a few. Throw in a handful of TV series like "Lonesome Dove", "North of 60", "Viper", and "Honey I Shrunk the Kids" and you can see why I'm not exactly star-struck by this latest visit.

Still, it would seem that this attitude puts me in the minority these days. The local media has been priming the public for this Visit from the Stars for a little while now. One newspaper has gone so far as to offer $350,000 to the first person who can provide a photograph of Brad and Angelina kissing! Can you believe that? It’s ridiculous! We’re actually being encouraged to turn ourselves into the same paparazzi that actors and actresses are so glad to get away from by coming here... Talk about shooting yourself in the foot!

Even the Calgary Herald, our supposedly non-tabloid newspaper, seems to have lost it in light of the recent Brangelina Invasion... This morning's front page shows "First Photos of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie in Calgary" with the accompanying article proclaiming, "Brad Pitt is officially one of us."


Somehow, we are led to believe that, since he has shown a desire to eat and/or drink outside of his hotel room, Mr. Pitt now considers himself a Calgarian. These are the things, after all, that set us apart from the rest of the savages in this world... Right? Seriously, until I see Brad suiting up to practice with the Flames or pushing a shopping cart through Wal-Mart, I don’t think I'll be considering him "one of us".

I'm sure I could go on with this rant, but what's the point? Besides, I have to go make sure the memory card on my camera is empty... Rational or not, $350,000 buys a lot of coffee!
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