Sunday, June 18, 2006

My Eyes! I'm Not Supposed to Get Crap in Them!

It's official: The world of entertainment has hit the bottom of the barrel.

Sad to say, even I've become accustomed to flipping through the channels and seeing at least 3 different programs spotlighting the "sport" of Texas Hold 'Em Poker. I can't say that I've ever watched an episode, but I accept they are there and that some people think this is entertaining. Hell, if I played poker, I might watch just to get tips. But I don't, so I don't.

That being said, as I was sitting back and getting a cathode ray tan this weekend, I stumbled across what has to be the stupidest thing I've ever seen (and, let's face it, there's a lot of stupid stuff on TV).

It was on A&E. Remember that channel? In the early 90's it was often referred to as the "War and Comedy" channel, thanks to a line-up of shows focusing on World War II or stand-up comedy. Then it evolved into the "Crime and Punishment" channel with the likes of "Cold Case Files" and "American Justice". Although I'm not sure if these four topics could ever be considered "art", they were definitely "entertainment". So, close enough for me.

A terrible corner has been turned, however, with their latest offering: "Rock Paper Scissors Championship". Seriously. A full hour devoted to a school yard game used to decide which team captain gets first pick! Seriously. People from all across the U.S. who have apparently, through the use of "skill", risen to the top and earned the right to compete for the title of Rock Paper Scissors Champion.

Did I miss something? Have the Laws of Reality and Common Sense been turned completely inside out? How would you "train" for something like this? It would be like training to call a coin-toss, or studying how to buy the winning ticket in a 50-50 draw. Come on, people! It's luck... nothing else! And no self-respecting adult should be signing a waiver to allow their stupidity to be shown on national TV.

I only watched about 3 minutes of this garbage before surfing on the find something -- anything -- better, but I was "fortunate" enough to have caught a little bio on one of the competitors. She was asked how Rock Paper Scissors has helped her in life. Seriously... I can't even make this kind of stuff up. She told a rambling tale of living on the street, needing to anticipate the actions of others to protect herself. Then she told of a time that her and few friends only had enough money to buy one meal at McDonald's, and they played Rock Paper Scissors for it. Staring straight into the camera, she proclaimed, "Because of Rock Paper Scissors, I got to eat that day."

I swear, if they start televising Bingo, I'm canceling my cable package.
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